Saturday, December 15, 2012

Cutting to the heart

I don't have a whole lot more in my tank today, but I felt compelled to sit down and get this off my chest.

Truthfully, I have been struggling lately.  There are many different facets to what is causing it.  To protect certain others, I won't go into detail.  Just at a low point right now.  We'll put it at that.

But it's Christmas!

That time of year with sparkly lights and anticipation and warm gatherings of family and friends!

Which is partly why I feel guilty struggling the way I am.  Aren't I supposed to be joyful right now?  In this most joyful time of year?

I try to conjure up some Christmas joy, but often it fizzles out with a conflict or a blowup or one more thing that pulls me away from my children.

I feel weak.  

I feel small.

I feel inadequate.

My favorite Christmas song is O Holy Night and I can sing that puppy by heart.  I especially love that last verse.

But tonight I heard the words in the second verse, and they spoke to my heart.

He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend! 


Jesus knows my need.  My weaknesses are no surprise to Him.  In fact, His strength is made perfect in my weakness!

 I'm still tired.  And I will most likely cry at some point yet tonight, but I have a Savior who knows all about it.  I don't have to be strong, I have a Jesus who is strong for me.  I don't have to conjure up some Christmas cheer, I have the joy of salvation year round.

 Just like winter is just a season, so is this time of life.  I don't want to miss out on the joys because of the frustrations.  Because, no doubt, those frustrations will be there to greet me in the morning.

 It's just very clear to me that I am inadequate and weak.  But that is OK.


Because I have a Jesus who is not.    


  1. prayed for you when i saw you across the way tonight.

  2. Thank you, Shar! Great reminder of the blessing of a church family and that we can be helped without even knowing about it. I think your prayer got me home with my sanity intact :)

  3. I appreciate how you expressed how you feel + the truth that you know, but maybe don't feel all the time. This especially spoke to me: "I don't have to conjure up some Christmas cheer, I have the joy of salvation year round." So true.

    I prayed for you this morning when I was thinking about how difficult Christmas break must be for houseparents. After reading this, i'll keep praying. Love you! Mandy

  4. Love those hymns! They say exactly what we need so many times.

    God bless,