Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Painful good-byes

It's been awhile since I've posted.  It's not for lack of ideas.

I've actually had quite a few things going through my head with this season of thanks and celebration upon us.  I've just usually gave into exhaustion and a cup of tea at the end of the day instead of typing it all out.

But what has spurred me on to type tonight has my heart all twisted up.  My emotions on the brink of spilling out.

We've had some ups and downs this fall with the different kids coming through our door.  We've gotten 4 new residents in the last 2 months.

Each has come with their own baggage.  Their own challenges.  Their own demons.

But tomorrow we have to say good-bye. 

Good-bye to the kid who sees the Truth laid out in front of him but yet chooses a different path.

The kid who is 14 but inwardly feels about 8.

The kid who never really knew what it was like to have a mother love him unconditionally.  Who placed his needs above her own.  Who had his best interest at heart.

Those kind of things weigh heavy on a kid.  And those kind of things effect that kid's day to day decision making.

I know he wants to be a part of a family, to feel included and loved.

But when you feel like you have no one at home (or no home at all) cheering for you, rooting for you.  You kinda don't see the point in moving forward, making progress.

Tomorrow Paul has to stand in court beside this kid as his parole officer requests that this resident be taken out of placement and placed in a more restrictive environment.

My heart hurts, weeps, for what could have been.  We've made room for this boy in our family, and he has found a place in our hearts.  Despite his attitude and belligerence, he's grown on us.  My prayers go with this boy, that the seeds that were planted in his 14 weeks here could find fertile soil in his young heart.  That he would not forget the time spent here.  That he would know that we are not abandoning him like so many others in his past.  That our thoughts, and prayers, and a bit of our heart goes with him. 

It's just out of our control.

But, thankfully it is not out of God's control.  And that is what I will rest in tonight.

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